When Ji-an got home, smoke filled the kitchen. Empty jam jars, spice pots, juice cartons and alcohol bottles littered the floor. Red liquid spilled out of a bubbling saucepan. ‘No…,’ she muttered. She switched off the hob and walked through to the living room. O’Higgins was in the armchair, reading Hegel's Phenomenology of Spirit. ‘What … Continue reading O’Higgins

’Excuse me’, said Hector, slipping his mop under Nell’s legs. She pushed her chair back to make things easier. He’d been working as the night janitor since she joined the Institute, six months previously. They’d never talked much; maintenance staff were not supposed to bother the faculty. It was midnight. ‘How are you?’ Nell said. … Continue reading The Night Janitor

The only waves are those I make myself. When I halt, the water stills. Ergo, this is not a sea but a shallow lake. At its deepest, the water goes up to my neck. At its shallowest, my thighs. Under foot it is stony in parts, but largely mud. There is no wind. It is … Continue reading The Wader

‘The ultimate in job satisfaction’, said Jenson, ‘must surely be leading a religious cult.’ We were sat on the fire escape outside the office. ‘A winning combination’, he said, lighting a cigarette. ‘Spending your time being adored, and financially lucrative.’ ‘I suppose so,’ I said. ‘I’ve been giving it some thought.’ ‘Eh?’ ‘Serious thought.’ ‘As … Continue reading Unleashed

‘Next stop, Cirque.’ Berit stowed her book away and shuffled to the door. She stepped out, pushing her way through the crowd. Tied her scarf round her throat. It was five to ten. She would just about make it. ‘Excuse me,' someone said. She set off towards her class. ‘Excuse me.’ A hand tugged her … Continue reading The Consolation of Philosophy

‘She’s doing it again! Make her stop, Papa! Make her stop!’ The car swerves off the road, shuddering to a halt. The driver swivels round in his seat. His six year-old daughter stares at him, sobbing. In her left hand she holds an ice-cream cone. Two-thirds eaten, the remaining third is melting through her fingers, … Continue reading The Tantrists

Lex fumbled for the key. Jacket pockets? No. Front trouser pockets? No. Back trouser pockets? No. He propped his forehead against the door. Specks of paint peeled off, sticking to his skin. Lex groaned. Where was it? Inside jacket pocket? His right hand hovered, mid-air. If it wasn’t in there, this last pocket, he was … Continue reading The Night Visitor

Magnus locked the front door behind him. His route to the train station led across the park, past the primary school and down the High Street. ‘Tum de-dum” he sang, descending the steps in a jump. It was Friday. Golden leaves crunched under his feet. The park was being criss-crossed by commuters, joggers, cyclists and … Continue reading Kinnear

“Let's hear from everyone,” says the boss. “What is your value proposition to the firm?” It's our Tuesday morning team meeting. We bring breakfast and discuss a topical issue. Today I brought toast with peanut butter. “Magnus? Want to kick us off?” The toast smells delicious. I got it from a stall at the tube … Continue reading The Value Proposition

“Drinks in my office” says Roy. It’s eleven a.m. Clem and Harry have got there before me. Along with the drinks, there's an unexplained box. As Clem fixes drinks, Roy opens the box. Slowly, painstakingly, takes something out. It’s a human pelvis. “Each year on this day,” says Roy, bone aloft, “we gather to honour … Continue reading Confessions of an Advertising Man

Scaffolding's being erected on the sales floor. No-one knows why. At ten, staff are summoned to the scene. The Beverage Intelligence 2050 sales team (Sanj, Ray, Daz and Michelle) are standing on a makeshift platform. Roy stands beneath them. For some reason he’s dressed as a circus ringmaster. “Behold our brand ambassadors!” says Roy, cracking … Continue reading The Brand Ambassadors

An email arrives from HR: “All staff must access the career portal and register their core competencies.” That gets me curious. I log on and discover a long list of attributes and characteristics. I must identify three as “fundamental to my sense of purpose.” I choose Humour, Dealing with Paradox and Work/Life Balance. I can … Continue reading Core Competencies

A statue of Ganesh, the elephant God, sits on Diya’s desk. It has a happy, relaxed demeanour. As we all would, I suppose, if we had six arms and a trunk. Diya says having Ganesh there reassures her. I look at it enviously. I could do with something like that, I think. Some sort of … Continue reading Office Idol

“Welcome to the future!” says Roy. There, on Adhesives&Sealants.com, is a robot. “Ask me anything!” it says. “Oooo,” says Diya. “Go on,” says Roy. Carla leans over. "Really, is there any fucking difference", she types in the chatbox, "between adhesives and sealants?" The robot’s eyes glow. Word by word, an answer appears. It's as if … Continue reading The Chatbot

“Suggestive comments, improper touching, unwelcome advances. None have their place in the modern office,” says the HR person leading our Dignity at Work training. The staff sit there, bored. “Any questions?” A hand shoots up. It’s Clem. “I’m struggling to get my head round this notion of an unwelcome advance,” he says. “Eh?” says the … Continue reading #metoo