The Monocrat

Our firm has introduced 360 degree performance reviews.
They work like this:
Your manager reviews your performance,
as do the people around you,
and the people below you
(should there be any).

HR want to discuss my review with me.
Something is up.

“Your manager’s feedback was fine,” says the HR person, “and your peers were very positive.”

“That’s good,” I say.

“The problem is with the people in your team.”

“Oh,” I say.

“I need to share their feedback with you.”

“OK,” I say.

“They describe you as, let’s see…
a moon-howling masturbator.
A wannabe Stalin.
A fuck-knuckle.
A monocrat.”

I laugh.

“Did you properly explain the nature and purpose of 360 degree feedback?” the HR person asks.

“I thought I did,” I say.

“It looks like they’ve treated the exercise as a total joke.”

“It does look that way,” I agree.

The HR person sighs.

“I’ll ask them to do it again,” I say.

“Thank you,” says the HR person.

We leave it at that.